📍 Most people get this thing wrong about boundaries. I think it's like this wall that we put up in front of people and we say, this is where I begin. And this is where you end. And like, Yes, that's actually true, but they build trust, they build structure and they support you and everyone else, even though it's hard to feel that sometimes.

📍 In today's episode, you're going to learn how your lack of boundaries may be keeping your nervous system in overdrive. Even if you think you've mastered boundaries, how boundaries bring people closer. And some really practical tools to set boundaries that make you feel calm and clear and control and amplify that feeling of abundance instead of burnout, instead of feeling like you're doing all the things, knowing that your energy is protected, that you can rest and replenish yourself in the middle of the week and that your clients trust you 100%.

That is what is waiting for you on the other side of this work. I used to say yes to everything. In fact, sometimes I still struggle with feeling like I'm going to disappoint somebody. If I don't say yes, I literally had this yesterday. Somebody did something really nice for me. I was no longer able to receive it.

And there was that feeling inside of me of like, Oh no, I'm going to disappoint this person. They went to all this effort for me and they've put so much to be able to provide this for me and I can't receive it anymore. And I felt like I was going to disappoint them. And I came back to this understanding and this practice, this whole thing took about 30 seconds.

But when I first began, you know, it would take actually weeks and months because I would feel bad that I would say yes to everything. I would have clients that I had a lot of urgency inside of them and I would let that kind of penetrate me and I would respond to their urgency and their emotions.

And what it did was it actually stopped me from being a good therapist and a good service provider because they didn't need me to go into their energy. They didn't even need me to respond straight away. They needed me to be grounded. And they needed to know that they could be all of themselves and that I would be able to kind of hold that and that I would only show up when I could.

That's where I am today. You guys, when we work together, you can be all of yourselves. My biggest one on one clients, like the people that I am in most contact with, they The ones that are in the higher tiers of the foundation are in the academy. We have tech support. So that means that you can like message me as much as you want all day, every day.

And you know that I'm only going to show up when I'm in a really grounded space and I can respond that way. It's out of your head and we can solve problems as they come up and I'm in your back pocket, but you don't want, I need to be able to have myself and be really clear with my boundaries so that you can benefit from that.

And that's what you want with your clients as well. When I was saying yes to everything, there was this underlying kind of tension in my body. I would like squeeze my toes, rub my hands when I was waiting for something and eat really fast and breathe very shallow. What was happening was my nervous system was kind of on this alertness 24 seven.

But once I got so radical with my boundaries, but they were clear and they were compassionate, I noticed that my body started to feel more calm. I would feel that feeling of like, Oh, I'm like over rested. I have an excess of energy, but also that my interactions with people would feel easier. It was like they felt safer with me.

We would go deeper in our conversations. Um, we actually felt more connected and I, I had some really beautiful conversations. with a lot of different people, uh, from clients, from people who are like networking situations to people that I was just met, like hanging out in a line waiting to eat some ice cream, even though I don't usually line up for things.

I hate lining up for things. So what's happening is that in that prior state, And this is probably what's happening to you in the times that you're more lax with your boundaries or if you're still learning to set them. And I don't mean like just don't message me because that's my boundary. No, I mean like internal boundaries and we'll dive into that a little bit more and structural boundaries.

We'll dive into that more soon. What's happening is that Without that, your nervous system is in a state of vigilance. It's anticipating conflict or rejection, and that triggers activity in your amygdala, which floods your body with adrenaline where now we feel like we have to fight all the time, or we have to run away from something all the time.

And now we're anxious over time. This creates exhaustion in your body. Your body can't hold that level of activation for an extended period of time. It's made for short bursts. And then we also have the emotional aspect. We begin to feel resentful and we dread connecting with those people. And our work, it's not very nice and we get burnt out and we just have that sense of, Oh my God, no matter how much I rest, this, this thing never goes away.

And with healthy boundaries, it's calm, regulated. There's no drama. There's actually a lack of thought. You communicate clearly, you have client trust, you have to second guess all the things you say. And some of those boundaries are really simple that I'm going to share them with you. And, uh, There's a part of me sharing it.

That's like, this is so simple. They're not going to appreciate it. But I think that sometimes we have to come back to these simplest simple things because sometimes a part of us doesn't even know that this is possible. That happens a lot with clients. I'm like, why don't you just say this? They're like, Oh my God, I didn't know that was possible.

It's definitely happened to me. Um, And sometimes we just need a reminder and sometimes we need to explore if we have resistance to doing something that is simple or if we're not doing something that is clearly very simple. And then we're going to dive into a somatic regulation for it. So let's look at number one, vocal boundaries.

This literally looks like, I can't wait to get into this. I'm going to give it when I going to respond when I have my, when I can give it my full attention. That should be within the next 72 hours.

Beautiful.

Um, or I can't commit to that right now, but I really appreciate you asking and it made me feel seen, appreciated, heard, understood, um, and keep those invitations coming. Or if you don't want them to keep coming, just don't say that.

Another script that a client recently used was, no. And I think that there's these vocal boundaries I think can be really put up. I think the most important part is having clear expectations, especially if we're talking around clients or even, um, you know, work situation is really having clear expectations of how available you are, how you prefer to work and how, what's the best way for you to work.

And you can actually ask them, are there any ways that you like to work that you think would be helpful for me to know? Some of these things can feel like you're. Being too clear. But what they do is they create what we call psychological safety. When things are clear, we feel safe. Because we don't have to go into the uncertainty.

This is particularly true if you've experienced some trauma in the past, or you've grown up in a situation where there has been some pain or lack of clarity or inconsistent availability. So, um, Then we can lean into having that clarity in structural places. I am a really big fan of setting up a contract that has clear expectations.

When I first started my business, I kind of like what, I don't know, I just kind of like found some contracts online. I think I got them for free or something. And I was like, yeah, this will do. And I kind of asked some coach, they had an extra contract. I was like, yeah, this will do. Not great. Contracts are there so that you have clear expectations of what you need to deliver to your clients.

As well as what they can expect and they are really important. Do not skimp on them. Uh, I'm not saying you need to go out and spend 700 on some contracts tomorrow. If you're just beginning and it's not there, but prioritize it or have some clear expectations. Go through your contract with your clients.

Make sure that they are watertight. I was on a call. Um, I just recently on boarded somebody who's a lawyer and she was like, I love your contracts. And it was the biggest compliment I had and we went through it together and we both walked away feeling okay, cool. We know exactly what to expect. We know what happens in this case.

We know what happens in that case and it makes both people feel safe. 50 percent of a psychological transformation is establishing safety. That's why we have Such strict containers around the academy around so manifest around the events Because 50 percent is knowing that you are safe and I do a lot of work in those group Kind of calls to make sure that you feel safe because you're gonna bring your biggest desires and your biggest fears And I am gonna make sure that they are safe Use time blocking To protect your energy and focus.

Sometimes your boundary issue is that you are not boundaried enough with yourself. It has nothing to do with anyone else. You need to be stronger with yourself. Like you, you know what you need to do. You know, you know that you were doing something that is not helpful. You know, you are multitasking when you should not be multitasking.

You know, you are procrastinating when you should not be procrastinating and you need to do something. And I have podcast episodes on that. That will help you, but you need to kind of get yourself into gear, set some boundaries to yourself. You are strong. You can hold this. This is your inner kind of divine masculine.

This is you holding your own frame, go and protect your energy and protect your focus. Be boundaried with your time. And then the third is somatic regulation. This is, can be something like before a tough conversation, take three deep breaths and then exhale to calm your system. I've also got episodes. Oh, you've got to try the number one boundary pack practice.

This is like the best boundary practice you've ever found, ever done. You don't do it in those moments of tough conversations. It is a somatic practice. It is going to revolutionize your life. Um, That's episode number 169. And then something that's really nice to do, that I like to do, is like, I'll like ground into the earth, especially when I need to set some boundaries with myself.

If I'm like, oh Sheridan, you were doing things like, like get off your phone. You need to go to, you need to go for a walk. What are you doing Sheridan? I will like push my feet into the ground, bend my knees, lift, and like you're breathing. Pushing your finger around and lift up through your spine. You're actually going to feel lighter, pull your shoulders back and feel the bold frame that you have.

Feel your bones, feel your hips, feel the heaviness of your bones and feel that you have strength and structure inside of you. You can take that strength and you can take that structure from the element of those bones deep inside of you. And you can do hard things. And sometimes that hard thing is putting your phone on your bed and not your desk so you stop looking at it.

And sometimes that hard thing is just, I don't know, having a glass of water because you know you need to pull yourself away from that laptop, go have a glass of water because you care about your body. Imagine those roots anchoring to your earth and imagine and feel the way that you can just build upon and take all of the elements of the earth and your bones and everything that is strong in the world and know that that lives inside of you.

and go take it and be strong. So boundaries are an act of self respect and they facilitate trust and they facilitate transformation. Your boundaries are your ability to feel flow and creation and vibrancy and goodness. Your boundaries. Make you a better person in the world. They help you do your work without burnout.

They help you do good things in the world. They protect your energy. Make sure you check out episode number 169, the number one boundary practice that I could recommend to everyone. Enjoy.