Entrepreneurship doesn’t need to be this hard.
Sales can feel easy (not icky). What you’re doing IS enough, and you can stop worrying about what the people think while still increasing income by 150%. Even when it feels hard.
When I started as an entrepreneur (I was selling hats! Way back before getting certified as an Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapist) I fell into all the trap of thinking I had to be SUPER resilient, and manage all this stress, or find the right way to do sales, it felt HARD.
When I found the coaching industry, I was sold this idea that I had to fix something about myself or I might never be successful (gloom and doom marketing).
Now, hundreds, of clients coached, thousands of hours of coaching in my past, and a deeply soft and regulated nervous system, I’ve come to realise it doesn’t have to be so hard.
It’s our shame-body that’s convincing us it ‘should be’ – keeping us running around like energiser bunnies just trying to ‘reach the next goal’.
So, in today’s episode of Embodied Entrepreneur, you’ll learn 4 Tangible & Effective Ways to Heal shame, Decrease Anxiety and Increase Income.
You will:
- Uncover 4 common symptoms of shame appearing in business
- Learn 3 powerful somatic resources to unblend from shame and bring confidence and magentism into your business strategy.
- Develop a business strategy aligned with your values and nervous system science to create magnetic offers and sales that resonate with your audience.
Reclaim your magnetism, ease and authenticity. Press play.
Recommended episodes:
80: How to magnetize clients to you – Trauma Healing, Nervous System Regulation for Anxiety-free and Profitable Business
TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Today, You’re gonna discover exactly how to heal shame
[00:00:02] I’m going to go through four common ways that shame Shows up in your business three ways that you are going to use somatic and trauma involved healing techniques and tools to heal that shame inside.
[00:00:33] And then each shame symptom is going to have at least one business strategy suggestion and change that you can make today to increase your income in your business. Welcome to class guys. As you know, we are preparing for unapologetic offer creation and shameless sales. And doing that, we’re doing a free little mini class series.
[00:00:55] We’re covering up how to use shame healing to create magnetic offers and
[00:01:00] a share. A sales strategy that leverages your somatic needs, understands and takes into account your past trauma and uses nervous system science to create something that is effective and that you are excited to show up and execute consistently and confidently.
[00:01:17] This episode answers the question of, okay, so I know I need to heal shame. I know that healing shame is going to make me more magnetic. It’s going to bring. More ease into my life more clarity and stillness into my thoughts and it’s gonna increase my income But how do I do it
[00:01:35] Sheridan: so we’re going to go over four symptoms of shame and then four steps to Use somatic healing to heal shame and integrate that into your sales, marketing, and business strategy.
[00:01:47] To begin with, we need to understand that if we were toxically shamed by the many, many, many, many, many ways in. That humans, particularly parents dose
[00:02:00] out toxic shame to their little lumps, such as you’re a naughty boy, you’re, you did this wrong. Um, you’re, you’re bad. Don’t be so rotten. You’re a spoiled rotten, things like that.
[00:02:12] We will manifest that experience inside of ourselves. So inside of our biology, we will manifest and we will internalize a sense that we are quite literally bad meat. Those are Peter Levine’s words, not mine. Um, he’s a really, really wonderful leader of nervous system healing. But essentially what happens is we, we receive this, this, these messages of like, Oh, you’re a naughty boy.
[00:02:36] Don’t be such a bad girl. Um, things like that, et cetera. We internalize that to mean that we’re bad. We’re bad meat means that we grow up thinking that we’re distasteful or disgusting or worthless or not worthy of something good. And we bring that wiring into our nervous system. With enough time, that wiring that’s inside of ourselves, it
[00:03:00] actually, it’s It starts influencing our movements and our body postures, how our muscles, our meat sense the living world and respond to it.
[00:03:10] So we’re holding that pattern inside. And then without even realizing we’re actually expressing out into the world that we are rotten and we are bad and we are undeserving of anything good and whole. There are certain things that we need to do to actually heal this toxic, um, kind of rottenness and it’s something that many people struggle to heal.
[00:03:33] It’s very, very nuanced. It’s one of the harder things that I I think it’s quite elusive in that oftentimes we don’t know that we, that we need to address it. We, we end up addressing kind of like the on top things that, Oh, um, you know, uh, my perfectionist or the on top things of like, eh, like I’ll just like perf, uh, I’ll either address my perfectionist or I’ll perfect my, my launch plan, right?
[00:03:58] If I can get this right, then [00:04:00] I won’t have to really sit with the fact that I think that I’m kind of, there’s something wrong with me. Um, or if I can heal my perfectionist that I won’t have to address. The fact that deep, deep down below that, I have this feeling that there’s something wrong with me. And so even though we have the perfect launch plan, and even though we have a lot of awareness around the perfectionist, your body is still holding this pattern and it’s still acting in ways that other people’s nervous systems are understanding, um, is quite.
[00:04:29] As, as if there’s something wrong with you. They’re kind of picking that up because it’s kind of what you’re putting out and you’re not aware of it. Um, so we’re gonna, we’re gonna, we’re gonna work on fixing, not fixing that today. Today we’re going to work on bringing a little bit more love and ease and celebration and an apologetic.
[00:04:49] Beingness so that you can love yourself a little more. Like actually appreciate yourself and you can flow through night through life with a little bit more [00:05:00] ease. And then you can also just have more profit and have more money and have a sustainable business that you feel like has your back
[00:05:08] what we need to do is we need to. build the capacity within our nervous system to feel that disgust that that self disgust that we have without letting it consume us with harmful thoughts and without letting it expose us to more toxic shame. A lot of what people do when I’ve spoken about this in prior episodes is they address shame by kind of like.
[00:05:31] Going into the shame, processing the shame, and sometimes it feels guilt. Sometimes it’s like self judgment of like anger and anger towards yourself. And they kind of like, Oh yeah, like, like process it, feel it, um, focus on it. And there are times for that type of technique, but sometimes. Um, there are times where it’s actually more supportive to build the capacity to witness it without going into it, because if we go into it, um, we actually end up creating more of it and we end up in this
[00:06:00] vicious cycle.
[00:06:02] But if we don’t allow, we don’t build the capacity to witness it, allow it to be there and respond in a different way, we also allow for that visual psych vicious cycle to work on autopilot, right? When we live. from a perfectionist or from self judgment or from wanting to fix ourselves or, or from wanting to be a certain way or control how other people perceive us or make sure that we, we, we make the right amount of money on that product or, or if we don’t, we’re a failure or, or something like that, when we live from that place, this pattern of.
[00:06:41] of survival oriented living just becomes rampant and it, it breeds more mental illness, more chronic, um, pain, more fatigue, more brain fog, more judgment towards each other’s and all of these crises that we’re experiencing in our
[00:07:00] society today. And so today my goal for you is to help you begin. Developing a capacity to be with the level of sensation that disgust has that shame also holds, but really focused on your ability to do so without feeling overwhelmed, without buying into the stories of shame.
[00:07:24] And the way that we do that is we build resources and capacity. And now inside of unapologetic offer creation and really truly insight deeply inside of shameless sales, we, we go into like. The nitty gritty of how, uh, you know, they’re, they’re live offerings. I’m actually on a zoom call with you and I actually get to teach you in a way that I just can’t in a podcast.
[00:07:45] These are tools that are just not. Um, really made to be taught in a podcast, but I’m going to do my best here today. And I want you to really try and apply as much as you can because it’s going to, it’s going to support you, send it to a friend, um, as a [00:08:00] support them as well. So the way that we build our capacity and resources by resourcing, what’s resourcing
[00:08:11] resource, a resource is anything that gives you a sense of empowerment, capacity, strength, clarity, groundedness, and safety. And there are three particularly effective resources for shame or for disgust. We’re going to be focusing on them. This is based on latest neuroscience and studies, um, by people such as Peter Levine, who’s at Levine, Russell Levine, Stephen Porges, and Brene Brown.
[00:08:39] And what I’m going to invite you to do is to Orient to each of one in a way that makes sense to you and I’m going to give you some suggestions. So I’ve chosen four different symptoms of shame or guilt and then I’m going to tell you what the corresponding resource would be. There’s
[00:09:00] three main ones and give you an example of how to resource.
[00:09:04] To that specific one, and then we’re going to, I’m going to give you one suggestion for how you may apply that, what you learn in that process to your business strategy. So we’re doing once again, 75 percent in a work and 25 percent out of work, 75 percent somatic keeling and 25 percent business strategy.
[00:09:23] That’s the body based business way. So one of the symptoms of shame might be that you, or like of acting or operating from the shame body might be that you’re noticing a pattern where it’s like, Oh my God, I just have so many ideas and I don’t know how to choose the best one. And there’s this kind of pressure inside, or maybe it feels like anxiety, or maybe it feels like hopelessness, but it’s like, Oh my God, like there’s just so many things, like how would, how would I choose the best one?
[00:09:52] The first resource that we can look at is compassion. If I was to use the resource of compassion [00:10:00] for this Experience, I would probably focus on really just understanding kind of the backstory of that. Um, that might be using compassion of like, yeah, well you haven’t made it offer like this before. Yeah.
[00:10:11] You just had, um, like kind of validating it and you know, like, yeah, that makes sense. This is a transition in your career, you know, you haven’t done this, that, that makes sense. Or, um, understanding kind of the backstory. Maybe there’s been other times where you felt. Confused. Uh, and so that’s just a pattern that you have and we can have compassion around that.
[00:10:32] Second resource that you might use is celebration. Celebration is another anti anti of shame. It dissolves shame. Um, the way that I might use celebration in this case, what I would actually show up to the unapologetic offer creation masterclass, uh, the free call that we have. And I would write in the chat, I would say, Hey guys.
[00:10:55] I’m celebrating that I have a lot of ideas [00:11:00] and I don’t know how to do it and I’m, I’m just like, yeah, I’m, I’m celebrating that there’s so many ideas. I am choosing to celebrate that there is a lot of ideas here. The third resource is actually sharing, so shining light and sharing a little bit of what shame is happening.
[00:11:16] This is sometimes the harder one. Um. And sometimes the most effective one, not always, but it’s, it’s one of the Brené Brown talks about it a lot, actually. And what you’re really doing here is you’re using somebody else’s nervous system to help hold this really big experience that you’re experiencing and this big energy of shame that you’re experiencing.
[00:11:38] So for that, this might look like showing up to unapologetic offer creation masterclass and writing in the group chat, Hey guys, this is just what I’m experiencing right now. I’m having these thoughts and I just. You know, I, I just wanted to share that this is, this is where I’m at. So we have these three resources and when we use them effectively, which you will learn when you work with
[00:12:00] me is we notice that shame just kind of loses its grip and it’s hold on you.
[00:12:05] And spontaneously what happens is we’re now able to see options, opportunities, um, and, and ideas that we just didn’t have before. The way that I often. Apply a challenge like this or information like this to business strategy would be to identify the limitations and desires that you have. So you having the thought, I have a lot of ideas and I’m not sure how to choose the offer best.
[00:12:31] Once we’ve brought you back to that regulated place where you can objectively see things and shame isn’t kind of running the show, we’re able to look back and be like, okay, cool. So what are our limitations? Um, limitations might be something such as I not available on Tuesday evenings. Um, or I don’t have a lot of experience with X, Y, Zed, and therefore we can kind of create a structure around, okay, well, we’re not doing that.
[00:12:58] We’re not doing that. And I refuse to do that. [00:13:00] Therefore, we’re not doing that. And that actually gives us a framework that we can use to identify what we want to do. Then we’re going to look at the desires and we’re going to say, okay, cool. So what do we actually want? Like which, which one of these feels exciting for you?
[00:13:13] What do you really want to be doing? Sometimes we have a lot of ideas because we, We see other people doing them and we think, Oh yeah, I could do that. Uh, or we think we should, something should look a certain way. So what we’re doing is because we’re, we have enough capacity now to not blend with shoulds or, or like.
[00:13:33] Uh, or using other people’s, uh, strategy as our own, we’re able to kind of push those aside. Okay. Yeah. That, that might be for them or maybe somebody else, but, but what do I want? Right. So we can really identify like, okay, what is, what is your body telling you that you desire? What is the true desire inside of your flesh?
[00:13:54] Then from there, and we, we need to do a little bit more in a work sometimes, and we have to make sure that your nervous system
[00:14:00] actually believes that getting what you want, um, within the limitations that you have is possible. It’s important that we meet you, you meet yourself where you are and not where you think you should be.
[00:14:10] I’m going to elaborate on this in a moment, but really we’re looking to make sure that your body believes it’s possible. Then we’re going to take this structure and take these desires and access the Innate creativity that a true regulated nervous system has to get creatively thinking and starts problem solving.
[00:14:32] What happens here is because we’ve already done so much in a work, our mind is now operating in a different structure than it was before. So naturally we can see more opportunities than we could at the beginning. That was good, right? Let’s do the next three. Let me know if you have any questions as well.
[00:14:52] Um, it’s really helpful for me to know where you follow and kind of where things maybe I’m not as clear as I could be. So [00:15:00] I appreciate you working with me so that I can improve the way that I. Another symptom that we’re operating from that shame body, um, and it’s impacting our business is when we’re doing something kind of like we’re worrying that signing like in the background, we’re like worried, Oh, if I sign a client or if I start this business, then it’s just going to lead to me spending forever on my laptop or I’m going to feel really boxed in when I have all this responsibility and I’m not going to be able to live up and I’m going to fail.
[00:15:33] So. Or I’m not going to be able to go snowboarding on Wednesdays. If we orient towards the, um, resource of compassion, what I would probably do is I would validate the emotion behind that concern. Worrying about something is, might be that there’s like a fear, there’s a fear, um, that’s fueling this concern.
[00:15:58] And I would validate that. I would [00:16:00] use emotional validation phrases to validate that. That’s a resource that all of my clients get access to. So if you. If you want to learn more about that, can’t wait to see you inside a shameless sales. And then I would, I would identify the desire. So whenever we’re worried about something, it’s usually because we have a desire and the desire is kind of the opposite that we’re worried about probably.
[00:16:22] So. Let’s choose the example of, I’m worried that I am going to have to spend heaps of time on my laptop. Maybe your desire is for freedom. Maybe your desire is for health and maybe it’s to be outside and you want the freedom to spend time just hanging out on the grass. That’s, you guys know that’s one of my
[00:16:44] So I would validate the emotion until you feel a sense of relief in your body and I would identify the desire until you feel a sense of, ah, yeah, that makes sense. If I was to use the resource of celebration, I would bring this to the unapologetic offer creation [00:17:00] masterclass and celebrate and say, Hey guys, I am so excited that I am worrying about this thing.
[00:17:05] I am so I’m, I’m happy that my mind is doing this worrying thing. Even if you’re not happy, like just celebrate that, like, okay, I’m celebrating that I found this. I’m celebrating that I’m noticing this and I’m celebrating that I am uncomfortable about it. Celebrate that you’re there. Celebrate that you’re there.
[00:17:20] Meet yourself where you are at. I’ll elaborate that in 60 seconds. If I was to use the resource of sharing, I would bring it to the masterclass and I would say, Hey guys, this is what I’m experiencing. This is how I feel about it. Just wanted to share, just to just normalize it and neutralize the shame that I have around it.
[00:17:42] Then if I was to take, so once we do that, we experience a different shift in our body, right? We, we, when we really effectively do it more than just listening to on a podcast, our body shifts, we have a different, we have an emotional change. We have a physical sensation change, and then we have our thoughts that change as well.
[00:17:58] From that change state, I would [00:18:00] apply it to business strategy and similarly to above, I would identify the limitations and desires. What are the limitations? What are the things that I’m not doing? Um, and what do I actually want then I would Check in with myself and make sure my body believes that it’s possible to get there and that it’s safe to get there.
[00:18:18] I mentioned this before, but I really want to emphasize that you need to meet yourself where you are and not where you think that you should be. Some of us, especially if we’re in the coaching industry or we do any type of healing or therapeutic work, we think that we’re like, we’re supposed to like have things kind of sorted out, right?
[00:18:36] And in some ways we do, but. Sometimes we present this, um, Oh yeah, like I know this. I know it’s like this. Well, yeah, you do. But maybe there’s a part of you that doesn’t know that like meet yourself really where you are. Maybe you have done heaps of work around, um, expressing your voice or being creative or, or putting boundaries.
[00:18:57] Maybe you have, and maybe there’s still a part of you that, that
[00:19:00] doesn’t even know what that looks like. So I want you to meet yourself where you are. Yeah. Unapologetically, because a lot of the time we actually, and in coaching relationships, we do this and I have to speak to my clients about this and I teach my clients not to do this with me.
[00:19:16] And they say, you know, I, I feel all like you can kind of see they put on a front, right? Or a persona or a mask of like, yeah, I know this and I move. We’ve been working for it. Well, yes. And also, if it’s, there’s a part of you that doesn’t know these things, that doesn’t know that it’s okay. And that being on a laptop to earn money is actually very supportive for you or, or doesn’t know that it is okay to say what you think, bring that part forward and work on helping that part of, you know, that, yeah, it’s okay.
[00:19:50] And that it will be okay. And this is what it needs because. Sometimes we focus so much on, [00:20:00] we, we put, we pull, what am I trying to say? Sometimes we, we think we should be in a certain place. We think we should have certain opinions. We think we should have like gotten somewhere with our inner work and other parts of us just aren’t.
[00:20:15] There, some parts of us are, but we’re complex and other parts of us aren’t. So I want you to meet those more, I don’t want to say immature, but the parts that are still learning. I want you to meet them in their difficulty. Meet the part of you that is struggling the most in its difficulty, even though there might be another part of you that doesn’t, that’s overcome that struggle five years ago, but meet the part of you that’s struggling and present that.
[00:20:45] to me. Present that to your coach. That’s what’s going to help you get the most out of all of the containers that you’re in. From that place, you are going to use your new creative space, [00:21:00] intuitive space, and confident space in your mind, in your body to get creative and start thinking about how you can create a business within your limitations.
[00:21:12] It aligns with your desires in a way that your nervous system believes is possible and will work. The third one is if you don’t like selling yourself or you’re thinking that like sales are icky. Hands up if you’ve been there. I’ve been there. Oh, I was so there. I was like, Oh, I don’t want to be like icky in my sales.
[00:21:36] So yeah. Yeah. If we use compassion as a resource, I want you to validate the emotion behind it. Maybe there’s fear of judgment or something and look for the value that it’s highlighting until you feel a change in your body. So we validate until you feel an asthmatic change in your body. And let me look for the value that it’s highlighting.
[00:21:57] So I have a client, we’ve done a lot of work around this
[00:22:00] and she really values, um, the giving value before. Presenting an opportunity to keep working with her. She, she really values, um, like an abundance of free information and education. So we work that inside of her sales strategy. I have another client who really values emotional connection.
[00:22:20] So we make sure that inside of her marketing, there’s a deep emotional connection. I have another client who really values brevity. She wants everything to be to the point. and simple and concise. So inside of her marketing, we make sure that she’s really to the point and that way we’re, we’re using her values to inform her sales strategy and she’s still selling.
[00:22:46] And what happens is we kind of learn that we kind of had this thought, Oh, I don’t want to be icky. It was just pointing us to a value. And then what happens is once we identify that value and identify that fear, um, sorry, the emotion behind it, there is this like, Oh [00:23:00] yeah, that makes sense in the body. Oh, that feels, it feels correct.
[00:23:02] It feels that’s right. That, that, okay. I’m excited to execute that. Um, if I’ve kind of given you the end of that one, then that’s okay. So in, if I was to use celebration as a resource, I would bring it to the masterclass and say, Hey guys, I’m celebrating that. I know, uh, more about what I want and what I don’t want inside of my sales strategy.
[00:23:25] And then if I was to use sharing to neutralize the shame, I would bring it to the master class and I would say, Hey guys, I’m noticing myself having this experience and I would like you to, I just want you to know this. I just, I wanted to share it and I want somebody to see me in it. And having another nervous system there is going to help you just hold that experience without it overwhelming you and taking you and you can see it more objectively.
[00:23:50] The business strategy that aligns to this, I already kind of mentioned is that we actually create a sales strategy that’s aligned with your values, a sales strategy that feels good in your body, [00:24:00] feels correct in your body. And we use somatic tools to do that. And then we use business strategy to create a day by day plan that you’re excited to execute.
[00:24:08] And you know that you’re going to execute. Because it’s within what you have capacity to do, what you get excited to do the fourth, um, symptom might be something like when I do sell my offer, I get crickets and here’s how you’re going to use three different resources to move through that and apply it to your business strategy.
[00:24:29] You’re gonna use compassion to have compassion with yourself and validate the emotion behind it. So it might be fear. Or like fear, maybe that you’re not selling or fear of what people are thinking of you. Maybe you’re disappointed. Maybe we can validate like you had an expectation for sales to go a certain way and they haven’t.
[00:24:48] So maybe you’re disappointed. We’re going to celebrate it. So bring it to the unapologetic offer creation masterclass and say, I am celebrating that I know more about [00:25:00] my business. I’m celebrating. They have all of this information. Crickets is information. That’s crickets. Isn’t nothing. I’m celebrating.
[00:25:06] Like. Not nothing happening isn’t It’s nothing happening. It’s not nothing information. There’s information that you can get from your business even when you’re not making sales that actually is going to help you double down on what does work and make sales. There’s always something working. Hear me, hear me, hear me, hear me, hear me.
[00:25:23] There’s always something working. Okay, good. The third way that you might do this is with, um, sharing. So you would share and all of, especially around like sales and revenue, we often don’t want to share. Right. Cause what? We’re like worried that someone’s going to, I don’t know. I think we’re doing something wrong.
[00:25:39] I don’t know. I don’t know. They’re going to judge us. I don’t know what it is, but what if you just shared it? What if you said to the unapologetic offer creation group and you said, Hey guys, I’m here because I noticed that my sales are not going as well as I think they could. I just, let’s just all hold that together.[00:26:00]
[00:26:00] Beautiful. And then you’re going to apply that to your business strategy by creating a sales strategy that is aligned with nervous system science so that it becomes magnetic. There is a reason that your offer is not selling and it could be a couple of things. Maybe we’re not. Um, we don’t have enough mental, um, capacity to be clear about the problem that we’re solving.
[00:26:21] Um, maybe you’re, it’s drenched in shame and people are being turned off by your nervous system and you’re not realizing it and they don’t have the words to articulate it because it’s a, um, It’s a nervous system science that happens very, very beneath the conscious mind. Uh, or maybe it’s something else.
[00:26:40] What can help you identify this? We will identify this inside of shameless sales and we will completely transform it so that your sales are happening consistently, but we’re not there yet. You can’t join yet unless. I’ve edited this episode and you can maybe there’s information down below. Ooh, that could be fun.
[00:26:57] But as of recording, you can’t [00:27:00] join. So what you’re going to do instead is you’re going to go back to episode number 79 called how to magnetize clients to you. This is the nervous system science behind that like fluffy advice of become magnetic. And inside of the 15 minute episode, you will learn how your primal body experiences magnetism and what creates it or destroys it.
[00:27:22] And. A very, very deep truth about shame healing that is very realistic and beyond a lot of the mainstream information that you’re going to be receiving on the internet. How do we feel about that guys? That was good. That covered so many things. We have so many things to cover together. Um, there’s, there’s a depth of this work that I’m very excited to continue exploring with you because I know it’s going to be one of the most impactful things inside of your business and inside of your life.
[00:27:54] And we’re going to be taking that Deepa inside of shameless sales. We’re going to take that deeper inside of unapologetic offer [00:28:00] creation. But in the meantime, please prioritize listening to episode number 79, as well as episode number 83, I will make sure that we have all of the information and the show links down below so that you just have to go and click and let me know your thoughts on the episodes.
[00:28:18] Let me know what’s helping. Um, and what is it? And then I’ll, I’ll speak to you soon.