How To Stop Your Self Sabotage – A Profitable Business Nervous System And Trauma Healing Training

Self-sabotage is a common, yet SO OFTEN misunderstood, barrier that keeps you from achieving your goals.

Have you ever wondered why you seem to stop yourself right when you’re about to reach success or happiness? The answer lies in your nervous system, and in this episode, we’ll unravel the mysteries of how it functions in your favor and sometimes against you.

In this episode, you will:

Understand how your nervous system creates limits to protect you, keeping you comfortably uncomfortable. Learn why it does this and how to break free from its confines.

Discover the concept of the “upper limit” and how it dictates the level of pleasure, success, and abundance your nervous system feels safe receiving. Find out how to expand your upper limit for a life of greater joy.

A 3 step roadmap to overcome self-sabotage. Learn how to increase feelings of safety in your daily life, amplify your resources for resilience, and prime your nervous system for success using somatic tools.

Leverage the power of your nervous system and discover how to work with it to achieve your anxiety-free, profitable business.

Recommended episode: 45: 3 Ways To Prime Your Body (and Nervous System) To Sign More Clients – Somatic Trauma Healing

In this episode you’ll learn:

The often ignored, and most important part of preparing to sing more clients.

The simple, daily actions you can’t miss if you want to increase your income this month.

A somatic practice to prime your nervous system for more clients.

TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Your nervous system will create self sabotage until you prepare it not to. By the end of this episode, you will learn the sneaky nervous system limit that keeps you worried, anxious, and stressed. The only way to make your heart’s desires become manifest using the body and the three steps to stop self sabotage using nervous system regulation.

[00:00:35] There is a fundamental truth that underlies this entire episode. And if there’s anything that you learn about the nervous system, I want you to learn this. The nervous system will prioritize a familiar discomfort over an unknown comfort. Essentially, your nervous system will keep you comfortably uncomfortable no matter how dire the situation [00:01:00] is.

[00:01:00] It would rather keep you in an unknown, very, very bad situation. Um, instead of venturing out into the, sorry, it would rather keep you in a known very, very bad situation over venturing out into the unknown, no matter how good that unknown is most likely going to be, no matter how good it’s going to be according to what we see in our mind.

[00:01:27] If your nervous system perceives it as unknown, it’s going to do everything it can to try and avoid that. Now. I don’t want you to start thinking, Oh, but it’s against me or something. No, I think of it as like this, like, like guardian angel trying to protect you and support you. However, sometimes there can be a miscommunication between the information that the angel has versus like what you and your logical mind.

[00:01:56] And so when that happens. We kind [00:02:00] of run into something called self sabotage. Now, I don’t have a better word for this. It’s not the best word. I, I’ve opened, I’m not open to suggestions, but I do like this word because essentially it means that there is an essence, a part of yourself that is sabotaging what another part of you wants.

[00:02:16] So When I looked up in Google what self sabotage was just for this episode, I found it is when people do or do not do things that block their success or prevent them from accomplishing their goals.

[00:02:33] It is always well intentioned. It is not bad and wrong. Every single person is going to self sabotage in some way. It’s natural and normal. And there are a couple of reasons why your nervous system will self sabotage and keep you in that familiar discomfort instead of pushing and propelling you towards An unknown that [00:03:00] is going to be much more beneficial for you and the world.

[00:03:05] Let’s dive into them. So this is the sneaky little nervous system limit that keeps you worried and anxious and stressed. And I’ve done an episode on this before and we’ll continue talking about it. It is the upper limit. The upper limit is the upper nervous system level that basically says this is how much pleasure and success my nervous system feels safe receiving.

[00:03:34] We all have a set point of success and pleasure and money and intimacy and just joy that we feel safe receiving. It’s. Usually linked to the amount that we have received before, which is usually linked to the, and like nothing bad has happened, which is usually linked all the way back into our ancestors and very much kind of the state of our nervous system as [00:04:00] it was kind of being developed.

[00:04:02] Um, in our mother’s womb, this is kind of like your overall mental and emotional state. Now what happens is we tend to want to evolve as human beings. And so we have this drive to evolve yet at the same time, our nervous system has a set upper limit of okay. Historically, I’ve noticed that this is pretty much as good as it gets.

[00:04:31] I’m feeling pretty good. Like I’m alive. This is good. And I have noticed that. Either I just do not know what it feels like to have more pleasure and success and money and intimacy and therefore it’s unknown, therefore I perceive it as unsafe or I’ve noticed that things have felt really good before and then after that specific thing felt really good, there was a disaster, something happened, I don’t know, maybe you were a [00:05:00] kid and everything was feeling really good and then your parents separated or your dad lost his job or There was a political disruption in your country or something like this.

[00:05:11] And so what happens is your body, especially as a child where everything is kind of about me, it starts to think, Oh, okay, this is, this is it. Like this is the amount of pleasure and success that is safe before something bad happens or before. I just don’t understand it and I don’t, haven’t felt it before and because I haven’t felt it before.

[00:05:33] It must be. Unknown. It must be unsafe. I’m going to avoid feeling it because I’m not sure if I can survive through it. It’s very, very simple. It’s very, very primal. And what happens is it’s not like our nervous systems can send us an email and be like, Oh yeah, this is like, you’ve reached your capacity.

[00:05:53] Good work. Um, let’s just hang out here for a while. No, it doesn’t do that. What it does [00:06:00] is Um, it sends you signals and messages in other ways. It sends you things such as worry when you’re worrying and when you’re planning. It sends you things such as you judging yourself. It sends you things such as you just feeling heavy and, and shameful and like guilty.

[00:06:21] Like if I felt guilty cause things are going well, , It sends you things such as you bickering or fighting with your family or creating drama in your friend circle. It sends you things such as judging others. It suddenly invents all of these problems in your life that you kind of know how to solve.

[00:06:38] Like your car breaks down and you spend ages solving that and you, it just sends you all of these little problems. And you kind of create these problems, you create these fights, you don’t realize that you’re doing it. You create these fights, you create the problem with the, the window cleaner, and you create all of these little problems that your body knows how to [00:07:00] solve because it’s solved them before in order to avoid solving the bigger problem of how can I feel more safe with this much pleasure, this much success, this much intimacy, this much confidence, this much love, right?

[00:07:15] And so what you’re gonna. What I want to invite you to do is just kind of notice like, where am I complaining? Where am I complacent? Where am I worrying? Where am I judging myself or others? Where am I creating problems in my life that really just do not, they’re not problems. They don’t need to be solved.

[00:07:34] That is one of the ways that we self sabotage. And it’s one of the ways that we avoid expanding our upper limit. We’re going to talk about how to expand that upper limit in a second.

[00:07:44] Sometimes the upper limit isn’t necessarily connected to a specific fear. Sometimes it’s just, I need to get used to this new level of abundance and success. However, sometimes what [00:08:00] happens is we self sabotage because we’re at this upper limit. Because what we want. Our body perceives as unsafe. So I’ll say that again.

[00:08:10] We self sabotage because what we want, our body perceives as unsafe. For example, sometimes we, like you want a specific thing. Let’s say that you really want to make, let’s just go with 5k months. You really, really want 5k months, right? Or maybe you want 10 K months or 20 K months, and you want these higher numbers because.

[00:08:33] That’s what would make you feel really supported in leaving your job or having a baby. So we have this desire. But sometimes what happens is the body says, no, I’ll lose it. I’ll lose it. And then I’ll have a kid and I won’t have a job and I could never maintain this specific thing. And then I’ll lose it.

[00:08:57] And then I’ll be heartbroken and then I won’t know what to do. And then it will [00:09:00] be worse than the last time that I lost it. It will be absolutely awful. Or let’s just say you want a really nice new car. Or you want some really nice new clothes or you want to be able to take Tuesday afternoons off because you create your own schedule.

[00:09:19] You can want that. However, if your body perceives that you having that is going to equal your friends and family being envious of you or judging you, you’re not gonna, your body isn’t going to feel safe giving you thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are going to propel you to get there. Or you can say you want to sign three more clients this month, but if you’re already tired and your body’s perceiving that, Oh, if I sign three more clients this month, I’m going to have to show up more and I’m going to be more tired than your body is not going to propel you to, to achieve that goal.

[00:09:54] Or you won’t have enough time, right? It’s going to feel like it’s seeing all of the problems with you [00:10:00] getting what you want. And if it doesn’t, if it perceives any type of resistance around that, or any type of problem with you getting what you want, it is not going to give you the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and impulses.

[00:10:09] To get that thing, it’s going to give you the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and impulses that actually avoid that. A. K. A. Now, there’s a drama in my family. Now I’m fighting with my best friend. Now I’m spending my time figuring out taxes. Now I’m planning. Now I’m just anxious. Now I’m like doing all of these things, right?

[00:10:28] There was one that came up. Recently, uh, for a couple of different clients and I have my own experience with this as well, which is like, and maybe I’ll do a, I will do a podcast on this. I have noticed, I’m going to try and tell the story. Like it’s three of us. Perhaps sometimes we feel unsafe to earn money because we think it’s, we’re going to lose it or we’ll be intimate with too many other people.

[00:10:58] So.[00:11:00]

[00:11:05] So the way that this can play out very specifically in business as well is like, for example, if you feel that it’s, if your body feels that it’s unsafe to earn money, maybe cause you’ll lose it. Maybe cause you’ll be, too, too seen by other people, too intimate with other people. What happens is you might get on a cell call and you go in with like the best energy possible you have.

[00:11:26] You’ve just like prepared, you’ve got this, you’re, it’s going to be amazing. You come in. And then what happens at the end of the call, when you’re getting towards that moment where you’re talking about money and the person is about to enroll, maybe there’s like an anxious part of you that comes in and makes tiny little changes, either in your posture and your energy in the way that you speak or in the things that you offer makes little changes and sabotages that call.

[00:11:51] And both of you walk away like, Oh no, it wasn’t the best fit, but you’re thinking why kind of like what happened there? [00:12:00] And it’s simply because your body didn’t feel like it was safe to bring that client on. So you put in all of this effort and you didn’t actually get what you needed to receive. And then you’re more tired and we go down and we snowball down there.

[00:12:17] This is Freya. She is my assistant co host and she’s building her business alongside you and asking the questions that I know you guys are already asking. It is a really good question. So what do we do about it? I did promise you three steps to stop self sabotage with nervous system regulation. , so he goes, what do we do to increase our upper limit?

[00:12:42] To move through the barriers of what our body perceives as safe and bring coherence between what your heart and mind wants and what your body perceives as safe and bring manifest all the things that you want. There are three main [00:13:00] steps that I like to use what I’m using with every client. And you can focus on just using one of them, or you can focus on using all of them at the same time.

[00:13:08] But the first one is to increase feelings of safety in our day to day life. So for example, if one of the reasons that your body doesn’t feel safe to give you what you like is because you are tired and you are really busy and you’re running around and it’s like, well, if I’m going to sign more clients, then I’m going to be more tired.

[00:13:26] Then what we need to do is increase feelings of safety in your day to day life so that your body begins to say, okay. I can hold and do this amount of activity or this amount of connection or receive this amount of money. Like I feel good receiving and doing and being this version of myself. It feels safe when it has a baseline safety and nourishment with what it has, [00:14:00] then it starts to begin to kind of flourish, grow and expand naturally.

[00:14:07] One of the ways we do this so much and it’s so important that I’ve made it step two is to increase the resources that we have. That make us feel like we can do hard things. So increase the amount, when I say resources, resourcing is like something that helps you feel really safe and empowered and grounded and good.

[00:14:31] It’s just something that makes you feel like you can do hard things or you can hold hard emotions or you can feel good today, right? A resource is my cat, which you may have been… Hearing me out because she’s very impatient at the moment and wants lots of attention because she helps me feel, she helps me feel good, you know, she helps me feel nice in life.

[00:14:55] That’s a resource. So we want to increase our resources and the way that we [00:15:00] use our resources so that we feel that we can do more hard things. And we have to actually go out and do those hard things as well. And what we’re doing is we’re increasing the capacity of our nervous system to move into the unknown and move into the difficulties and then come back to a safe space where it feels nourished.

[00:15:23] And that helps it feel like, Oh, I can stretch into this unknown. I can do these new things because I know how to look after myself. I know that I’m going to return to a home base. I know that I have all of these things that support me in venturing out into more difficult things and being okay at the end of the day.

[00:15:45] The third step to stop self sabotage is to prime the nervous system for success by using somatic tools. So this really speaks specifically to make to the point where I spoke about how. [00:16:00] We can want something in our mind and heart, but our body might perceive it to be unsafe. We need to prime the nervous system to feel safe receiving that specific thing before we actually receive it.

[00:16:13] So if we can help the body feel safe receiving that thing, then when we go. Out into the world, we have experienced the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and impulses to arrive to that thing. Then we stabilize feeling safe with that thing, and then we can move on to the next. I do have an episode it’s episode 45.

[00:16:35] It’s called three ways to prime your body and nervous system to sign more clients. This episode is going to be perfect for that last step. priming the nervous system. If you’re not working on client signing more clients, then. Add in a different, add in a different goal. You’re still going to use the same tools.

[00:16:52] I use this for literally all of my goals, everything in life, everything in the episode, you’re going to [00:17:00] learn the really, really often ignored and most important part to sign more clients or achieve your goals. You’re going to learn the simple daily actions you cannot miss. If you would like to increase your income this month and a somatic practice too.

[00:17:15] prime your nervous system for more clients or whatever your goal is.