How Having A Lack Of Boundaries Diminishes Your Ability To Receive Money – Nervous System And Trauma Healing Training

By the end of this episode, you’ll know:

The UNPOPULAR pricing advice ( you can’t charge your worth) that helped me ethically create new clients and become a full-time coach

The super common, really problematic mistake people make when working to sign more clients

Stay tll the end for: How my client went from ‘fix it’ mode iwth clients (and not signing any) to embodied presence and signing numerous clients a week

Boundaries set today become income created this month.

Recommended episode: 46: What Your Therapist Doesn’t Get About Business: Using Your Nervous System To Create Profitable 5k Months Without Anxiety.

In this episode you’ll learn:

Exactly how to use therapy and coaching to build a body based business

The unseen aspects of your psyche and business that your therapist cannot help you with.

What sustainable $5k months look and feel like – for you.

And to know if Body Based Business is worth the investment.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Most people completely misunderstand what boundaries are and are not either use them to manipulate or they forget about them and lose themselves. Today we’re looking at how a lack of boundaries will impact your ability to make money.

[00:00:30] You’ll walk away from this episode with unpopular pricing advice and why you cannot charge what you’re worth that helped me ethically create new clients and become a full time coach. The super problem, super common, really problematic mistake that people make when working to sign more clients. And at the end, we’ll cover how my client went from fix it mode with her clients and not signing any to embodied presence and signing numerous clients in a [00:01:00] week.

[00:01:00] There’s one thing that I see a lot of people do and I personally have done myself. It’s a mistake that we make when we set an intention to increase our income or assign more clients that actually ends up making it so much harder to, to achieve our goals. But before I can share that, I want to share what boundaries are.

[00:01:25] Boundaries are often understood as kind of walls that we put up in between ourselves and other people. I like to think of boundaries as containers that help our, help us love each other or in the context of business, serve each other and support each other. So the super common, really problematic mistake most people make when working to sign more clients, making it harder to get them is that they have a lack of containers or lack of boundaries that lead to overcommitment, [00:02:00] overworking and burnout.

[00:02:02] So for example, if I’m a service provider and I Kind of say I’m available at all times because I believe that me being available at all times is going to somehow serve you more. I’m going to have more availability. I’m going to have more clients, whatever that reasoning might be. When we extend ourselves too much, it actually affects the quality of our services.

[00:02:23] It diminishes our energy and it diminishes our focus. And then in turn, that limits our earning potential. These poor boundaries. Are very much related and this type of, , activity is usually often related to a flight nervous system response. We’re afraid, there’s fear in the system, we’re worried and preoccupied about what could possibly happen if we were to stop being so available.

[00:02:47] , What’s very interesting is that this usually results in more of that chaotic energy, disorganized schedules, inefficient time management, not really feeling like you’re there, feeling spacey, perhaps even double booking [00:03:00] clients or running late for sessions and meetings or not being able to prioritize other business tasks such as marketing or financial planning.

[00:03:09] It’s this It’s usually related to that flight response that is chaotic. It feels unsafe. Sometimes it is related to a fight response where it’s like, I have to get everything done now. I have to finish these things. Both can be true. They’re slightly different undertones because one, when it’s a flight response is coming from kind of an anxiety and a fear when it’s a fight response is coming from more of like, I’ve got to do something.

[00:03:36] I’ve got to move forward. I’ve got to keep going. Independent of which one it comes from, what the body is experiencing is that when it is working, it is in a stress response. The body wants to avoid you being in a stress response, right? We don’t want to We don’t want to feel like we are running for our life all of the [00:04:00] time.

[00:04:00] We don’t want our body to feel that way. So if while you are engaging in your work, you are in a stress response, it’s going to be really difficult for your body to prioritize giving you the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and impulse to act, um, that is going to propel you forward into things that are going to do things like.

[00:04:19] Sign more clients, right, or bring in more income because the body thinks, well, work is stress and I would rather not stress. So I would rather not work.

[00:04:32] The other thing that happens that I notice a lot, especially in types of clients that I work with inside of body based business, which is my one on one, , coaching container is that we end up with a lack of firm boundaries, very much related to an underlying feeling of. Am I worthy of this? Do I know enough?

[00:04:57] Am I good enough? Do I have enough experience?[00:05:00] , this underlying feeling of I’m actually not that good at my job or I’m not that good of a person or somebody else is better than me. And so in this case, not having boundaries is kind of like the symptom of the underlying problem, which is a lack of self worth.

[00:05:22] The way that I see that, like the specific boundaries that we might see that, and the way that I see it play out with my body based business clients is that You undercharge for your services. You do a lot of free exchanges, and you feel really uncomfortable charging a fair amount or even perhaps more than what your competitors are charging because perhaps you might be actually a lot better than them.

[00:05:51] More efficient, more effective. I know I definitely felt this, especially because a lot of the work that I do, you know, a lot of people compare it to therapy [00:06:00] and it is based on a somatic therapy in a lot of ways, but it’s completely different. And what was something that I’ve really had to get my head around is that, and I think my charge, my prices are extremely low for the market, like very, very good.

[00:06:18] And very, very fair. And even in that, I had to go through my own process of understanding that, okay, cool, if somebody is to do similar work towards a goal with a different practitioner, they’re actually going to end up spending more, but it’s going to, because they’re going to be doing it for a longer period of time.

[00:06:38] It’s going to take more to get the results, but it’s going to look like it’s cheaper because maybe per hour it appears to be cheaper if that’s the way that they’re looking at their investments. I don’t necessarily expect you to look at it like that the way that I’ve looked at it and the way that I charge and the way that I invite you to is to look at the [00:07:00] value and the effectiveness of what you’re bringing to the table because I want you to recognize what your expertise is and build in it’s not even your self worth because it’s like self worth and what you charge there.

[00:07:13] There’s like comparing apples to a motorbike. They’re completely unrelated. You can’t charge what you’re worth. You are a beautiful soul and human being who is worth love, light and all that beautiful stuff. And what you charge is just one aspect of sales like and business. They’re completely opposite.

[00:07:29] They just have nothing to do with each other. You might find yourself undercharging if you don’t feel an embodied sense of confidence, expertise, and authority in what you do. You might then miss out on a lot of income that you really do deserve and qualify for. And this is a. This is an example of a lack of boundaries around your prices and also around yourself and the way that you [00:08:00] perceive yourself, kind of what I would call internal boundaries, things that you are willing to let yourself believe and act upon and things that you’re not.

[00:08:12] The other thing that I notice that is A sticky one with boundaries and there’s a way that having a lack of boundaries really diminishes your ability to receive money is that you have reduced creativity. Creativity is required. When we’re going to be an entrepreneur, we’re here doing things differently, standing out, we’re creative people.

[00:08:37] I’m a Pisces son and people always said to me like, Oh, you’re so creative. You’re meant to be really creative. And I’m, I’m, I’m not in the traditional sense of like, I don’t paint. I don’t really do a lot of that like hands on type of creativity, but I’m extremely good creative problem solver. And I am creative in other ways.

[00:08:55] And I do love expression and dance and all of those beautiful creative things and [00:09:00] music. So, I noticed a very direct corre, um, correlation between how regulated and embodied I am and my creativity. As an entrepreneur, you’re going to use your creativity in so many ways. You’re going to do content writing.

[00:09:17] You’re going to build different programs. You’re going to do, build different products. You’re going to be. Creative problem solving around the different problems in your business or supporting your clients and all of these things. So if we do not have good boundaries, we end up having an increased level of stress and then also just emotional exhaustion.

[00:09:35] And then our nervous system goes into. One of those stress response and now your body isn’t putting energy towards being creative. It thinks it’s running away from a tiger. So you miss out on new opportunities for growth. You miss out on new connections with other people. You miss out on feeling embodied and happy.

[00:09:53] As you go through the day to day experience of building your business and you miss out on opportunities to [00:10:00] develop additional revenue streams. It is extremely important that you find supportive boundaries. Extremely important because you need creativity. You need to be able to look at your money and what you charge in a neutral way without trying to tie your worth as a human being into it.

[00:10:21] . You need to feel safe as you engage in your work so that your body feels safe, helping you pursue doing more of that because I know your heart wants to. And the last one I’m going to share from a client that I had. , and her kind of experience and what we went through, through together. But in this one, my beautiful client had a lack of boundaries around her client’s energy.

[00:10:48] This client does a lot of deep transformational work. It’s kind of spiritual companionship and things like that. , and emotional processing and trauma bonding and sorry, trauma [00:11:00] healing. And, uh, She’s been doing that type of space holding for decades now, but we were finding that when she would start thinking about signing clients, she would just kind of freeze up and she’s like, she just felt like she didn’t know how to do it.

[00:11:16] Um, it didn’t make sense. She couldn’t find the, she couldn’t find the energy to go ahead and actually do any of the things that would lead to clients. And I was kind of curious about this, , in a couple of different ways. So her and I were doing a session. She was a part of the body based business and her and I was sitting down from one of our sessions and we started thinking and talking about boundaries and we did somatic practice to understand where she begins and where another person ends.

[00:11:47] And in that experience, she had a really, really profound, deep release. There was tears and there was this exclamation [00:12:00] of finally understanding what it meant to be in her energy and not blend in with the energy of another person. She had spent so long blending with her friend’s energy or her family’s energy and supporting and helping them that her body.

[00:12:17] Only knew how to support people by taking on their thoughts and feelings and feeling that some of you guys call this empathy. Some of you guys call this intuition. Some of you guys might call this codependency. , but essentially what we’re talking about is if I do not have clear boundaries between me and my client, I can’t help them.

[00:12:38] And I hurt myself in the process only, not only because. I stop having enough perspective and space to be able to see what they’re going through from a neutral perspective and be able to serve them from that space. But also because what might happen is I [00:13:00] might. Overstep my own needs in order to serve my clients.

[00:13:05] This looks like round the clock availability, quick responses to messages, or just saying yes to anything that they may ask. It also looks like feeling like you’re doing a lot of emotional labor for your clients and really feeling like you’re on top of them. If we do not have strong boundaries in place, your clients are going to expect these things.

[00:13:25] It’s going to be normal and your body is going to perceive that, Oh, okay, well this is what it’s like when I have a client, I feel stressed. I feel like I have to do emotional labor. I feel like I lose pieces of myself. I feel like I’m always on call. That’s what your body perceives work to be. So of course it’s going to make it more difficult for you to see opportunities or find the emotions and the thoughts that are going to make having a business.

[00:13:53] easier. And so it’s really important to use these somatic practices and use these energetic practices [00:14:00] and use these like hands on practices to set boundaries around your availability, around how you respond to demands, around the type of energy and emotions that you take on from other people. Internal boundaries that are firm, that encourage you regulating your nervous system, or expressing your needs, or.

[00:14:21] Time blocking, you know, these are boundaries as much with others as they are with yourself It’s you saying I’m going to time block and following through on that as always this stuff is super nuanced as always This is very complex. And as always I’ve tried my best to share tidbits that you can take away in a very short episode so that you can implement this today so that you can plug in and be the embodied entrepreneur that you were born to be.

[00:14:51] If you haven’t already, I really recommend that you look at episode number 46. It’s called what your therapist doesn’t get about business using your nervous system to create [00:15:00] profitable 5k months without anxiety. And the reason I’m recommending it is because inside of this episode, you actually get to use how do you get to cover how to use therapy and why what I do is slightly different to therapy, how to use therapy and coaching to build a buddy based business.

[00:15:19] It also will cover what sustainable 5k months actually looks and feels like. And I’ll just take a caveat to say that. If you’re not at 5k months or if somebody know that, you know, isn’t at 5k months, you haven’t done anything wrong. This is one of the biggest, most difficult things to figure out in business.

[00:15:36] You’re going to be okay. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re on the right path. Inside of this episode, you’ll also be able to Discern whether or not body based business is worth the investment for you. And you’ll learn the unseen aspects of your psyche and business that your therapist just cannot help you with.

[00:15:58] Of course, you will find the link [00:16:00] to that podcast down below in the show notes. Can’t wait to hear what you think about this one. Can’t wait to hear how you are going to put more boundaries in place, whether those are internal or external so that you can avoid overcommitment and burnout so that you can feel really good about charging your prices so that you can access more creativity and therefore more revenue streams and so that you can feel fulfilled and resource and available to take on more clients.