📍 For every woman who's ever said, I do not want to be difficult. What if they get upset? Upset. Today's episode is for every woman that has ever said, I don't wanna be difficult. What if they get upset? I'll just do it myself. 📍 By the end of the episode, you will understand how people pleasing.

People Pleasing is not a personality quirk that you can never be free of. It is a survival response your body picked up that creates more burnout. That means you undercharge for your work and that you don't need to hold it to be safe and successful. As well as how resentment is the energetic tax that you pay for your silence and that nervous system safety is the precondition for clear, honest leadership and any type of therapy or personal development or professional development that you choose to do in the world.

If these themes speak to you and you know that you have the attention span that I do where you need things quick and fast so you can implement them into your day, please download my chatty PT Somar. She is making people cry. She's making people launch products that they've been procrastinating for 12 months.

She is absolutely outstanding. She's your emotional companion as well, but she's not a replacement of therapy. Or a human, but she's really good at helping you collect all of your thoughts and get things out into the world. And she's great. People have been using her for when you have res you are like feeling resistant with your emails when you have a lot of things on your to-do list, when you're feeling even triggers with what you need to eat, like you feel like you want to eat something that you probably know that you shouldn't instead of doing your work.

She is completely free at the moment and she's gonna be shaping the future of our work together. If you. I really love that stuff. Come and join us inside of the academy. Contact me personally to find out and find out about enrollment dates, but it is a really special community where we do two things.

One, we give you a practice ground to actually support yourself as you do the hard work in the world. And two, we help you build your business so that you have the freedom, and the income that you need. You're signing clients consistently in alignment with what your body needs for success. So today we're talking about the burnout that comes from being nice.

I don't mean kind. I mean over accommodating, over functioning, overriding your deep down truth inside. If you've been avoiding a hard conversation or you feel like you're walking around on eggshells around the people that you work with, your clients, or even your friends and family, this episode is going to hit home.

When you continue to do that work of walking around eggshells or just biting your tongue just slightly and swallowing it inside, you get this resentment or this deep pain that is quite expensive for me, it's manifested as like a really deep loneliness, no matter how well intentioned that people are around me to wanna support me, as well as bitterness and resentment and frustration.

And what happens is your energy begins in your body inside of your nervous system. It begin to kind of like collapse on itself and it reinforces the story that your body had, which was once true, which is that it's not safe to say what I'm thinking. So when you spend forever thinking about the way to respond to that person or to navigate that social event or that meeting, or to figure out the way to do your sales calls correctly, and crafting the nice response instead of just a very authentic and honest one, spoken from that grounded place inside your nervous system is holding so much energy as you do that.

And the truth is that. That energy is not the problem. It's that your energy can't be taken out into the world in the way that it needs. You can't feel empowered through that energy, and that's how we end up in a burnout cycle. What's happening in nervous system space if that you've entered into a foreign response?

It's a nervous system response where your body perceives a danger, conflict rejection. And it says, the best way of me getting out of this danger is by kind of appeasing. This is especially true if you have more estrogen in your body because of the way that estrogen works and the way that people who have estrogen in their body have been socialized over many decades, sorry, millennia, to connect in community.

We are more safe when we have more connections, so we think, well, okay, there's danger. I better appease everyone and make sure that everyone's happy so that we can all get along it. There's actually not enough safety for me to have any type of conflict or differing of opinion. This is especially gonna be true and my heart holds you if you have any type of emotional neglect.

People weren't there when they needed to be, even if you don't have a memory of it. Even if you thought that you'd gotten over it or you should be over it because it happened a decen decade or more ago, or maybe it was just that you didn't really know if you could predict when people would be there or how they would show up.

Maybe people were particularly, had really high emotional ups and downs, or maybe it was just that you. It weren't met when you asserted yourself. There was a withdrawal, there was a slight, people treated you differently in your last job when you asserted yourself and all of a sudden you became a threat.

Now, nobody included you in on the email threads. It could have just been that, and your body says, well, now it's actually more important to be liked than to be honest. So your body asks you to phone. To not say the thing, to smooth things over, to silence yourself. That's normal that your body is doing a smart thing.

But what it doesn't realize is that that is now causing you to be absolutely incredibly exhausted. No matter how much you rest, you work overtime to make other people's comfortable, and you burn out. You avoid saying that thing that you thought about because you think you're not ready to say it. Your energy doesn't go out into the world as the creative free, alive person as you are.

You feel frustrated because your business isn't moving forward and you burn out my love. You do not need better boundaries. You need nervous system safety. I was working with a client recently, one-on-one inside of the academy. She works in a corporate job and she has this teammate who misses deadlines consistently.

And I asked her, well, what do you do? And she says, well, you know, it doesn't really make sense to even have a conversation about it. I usually just do the what isn't done right before the meeting and early in the morning I just wake up and whatever she hasn't done, I, I finish it. I go, okay, why? She goes, I don't really wanna be harsh.

Like, I feel like they have a lot going on. They're probably just doing their best.

This particular client, we worked together a lot in her act accessing her rage and frustration. She, she thought, I'm not an angry person. I don't get angry. But later on when we returned back to that conversation and that particular teammate dynamic, she found, yeah, she was frigging pissed off

and her anger was smart. It was telling us. Well, there's a boundary here that's being crossed, which is her time and her energy and the commitment that she's made to the team and the one that she should fairly expect from her teammate. And so we didn't just come in and say, okay, well here's, we're gonna like, assert ourselves and say, well, this is how it has to be all the time.

Which is, I think, what a lot, a lot of, like traditional therapy has asked. It's not actually that helpful. We naturally just worked on. Creating her capacity to be, to assert herself in small ways and have actual, like, what she would feel was conflict. The other people didn't even think it was that big of a deal.

They're like, oh, okay. That's a different idea. We use breath work. We use grounding meditation and like structures into her day as well as, as well as healing some of that trauma from, you know, when it was really hard for her inner child. And then slowly we worked. We created a system. Okay, what are ways that we can communicate that that will actually not be happening?

And that if the work isn't done, then that means we all go into the mo. The meeting with the work not being done, she enforced that she stopped doing the work and the teammate apologized, fix it. Now the teammate does her work and my client does her work. They have their normal mornings, and the meeting starts with the work done.

Both of them having rested at 9:00 AM. And as a result, my client has been able to avoid the burnout creation loops that she has inside of her job. So let's do a little practice right now. Just think of something that you've been avoiding, speaking about, a conversation that you've been thinking about, might need to have.

The email that you've thought about sailing, the thing that you've been procrastinating. What have you been avoiding the conversation you don't wanna have with your spouse? What is it? And just notice what happens in your body. Do you feel numb? Do you feel tired? Is there like a pit in your stomach? Do you feel sick?

Do you feel tension? Do, does your mind start racing? Do you want to turn me off inside of the academy and one OnOne work? We can go deep or inside of that and we can find truth and we can find your own way of healing so that that is no longer safe. But the first thing that you're gonna do is just start noticing it.

We do not need to fix it. We do not need to heal it. So it's never here. I promise you it will get better when you come into this work. But that energy that's going into the constriction, into the tension, into the numbness, into the avoiding, imagine what that energy could do out in the world. Imagine who you could become, what you could create, the impact you could have, how much fun you could have, how much fun you could have.

If you had all of that energy out into the world, making your life the way that you want to be, that is what I will help you do inside of the academy. That alive, excited, juicy, vibrant version of yourself, that version that can assert themselves without double thinking, that feels really safe and seen in all of her relationships.

That is the version that you get to be when you join. If you are ready, send me a message, say, academy. I'll send you all of the updated information about how to join our enrollment dates prices. You can go from like a hundred dollars a month to one-on-one, which is a more closer to a thousand, or if you, if you're just not ready for that yet, listen to episode number 71.

Don't ever overcome Fear of Rejection. How to Make Sales for Sensitive Solves. It is an amazing episode. Super, super popular. And try swim daily. Somatic support based in chat GBT, she will help you set boundaries in a really loving, tender way. She will help you move forward with action and clarity, without bypassing your very real experiences and emotions.

Much love. Speak to you soon.