This is why you struggle with focus and discipline, and why setting goals feels daunting despite trying to get it right for years.
ThIn this episode, we look at the unconscious, engrained patterns stemming from your relationship with your father that are silently influencing your productivity and emotional well-being. As a trauma therapist, I bring insights from nervous system work, tantra, and Ayurvedic practices to help entrepreneurs like you overcome these hidden barriers.
By the end of this episode you will:
- uncover the root causes behind your difficulties with focus and discipline
- learn how to cultivate a healthier relationship with your inner masculine energy
- discover practical strategies to transform your business approach for better success and fulfillment.
Part 2 is episode 128.
TRANSCRIPT:
If you have trouble focusing or you feel like you shouldn’t be as disciplined as you are or you just cannot be disciplined or you have a kind of, Icky relationship with goals, or you’re always thinking about what to do and how to solve the problem that might occur when your launch does X, Y, Z thing in August of next year.
Oh, my love. This episode was made for you. So I’m going to share just a couple of common symptoms that I see as a trauma therapist who. Really supports entrepreneurs and has a background in nervous system work as well as a tantric understanding and Ayurvedic understanding and I used to do relationship coaching.
So I’m coming to this with an understanding of polarity, both from the energetic sense as well as imploring meaning the positive conclusion. Traits of the feminine type of energy and the positive traits of masculine energy and how they play within each other as well as an understanding of the different types of wounds that occur inside of our psyche and therefore inside of our body and our nervous system that changed the way that we relate to these energies, , particularly relating to our caregivers.
Today’s episode is going to be really focused on your relationship with your father and how a lot of us. And I’m including myself who have strained relationships with their fathers, , haven’t developed a healthy sense of healthy masculine inner energy inside. And it comes out when we try to do business in so many different ways, but it makes it very, very, very difficult to remain focused and grounded enough in order to get your business up and off the ground and running profitable.
Your father wound, it might be the That you had an amazing childhood and your father. You still have some pain around your father, or maybe your father was still kind of figuring out his own expression of masculinity and healthy masculinity. And, you know, because he was still kind of figuring out, figuring it out within himself, you didn’t receive good modeling of what the healthy masculine is.
I’m Or you didn’t have any father at all, or maybe you had an amazing father with amazing masculine traits, but you still kind of walked away feeling like, okay, there is still some things that I’m figuring out as it relates to my own relationship with the masculine. So I’ve gone over this in a couple of different episodes, but I’ll do a quick recap here and I’ll reference your next best listen at the end of the episode.
But your father. wound is essentially something that happened between you and the divine masculine. So that might even be God, uh, or Jesus Christ or, um, Buddha, or it could be your father that is created inside of you. Um, uh, distorted relationship with the divine masculine. So what I’m talking about, the divine masculine, I’m talking about these beautiful inherent traits that are stereotypical of testosterone and the divine masculine, the divine masculine is he who can contain things, he who can observe things, he who provides, he who protects, and the feminine is she does and is and just like is activity and aliveness and vibrancy and movement and chaos and energy.
And if you’re experiencing a father wound, you might be doing a couple of these things I’m about to share. Number one, attracting codependent coaching relationships or clients. So codependent. In a very short sense and a very, very, very, very simplified version of the actual definition is that you’re looking for validation and a sense of security outside of yourself.
Meaning that you’re struggling to find it from inside. Meaning that when your relationships are unclear or there is distance that is uncomfortable for you, or there’s closeness that is uncomfortable for you, you Waver and you shake within yourself. You tend to get into rumination, overthinking, obsessive optimism.
Thoughts about the relationship and the other person. Do they like me? What were they thinking? Do I like them? What am I thinking? Was this the correct decision or your idea of success and self worth and security and general sense of okayness comes from the status of this relationship, whether or not you receive positive feedback or not.
A second sign of a father womb that would probably be keeping you overworking and also in scarcity is that you’re not able to focus. Even if you have a lot of things going on, when you are integrated in your divine masculine and you have, so what I mean when I say that is that inside of you, you have healthy psychological subconscious, unconscious, um, corporal, somatic structures.
that support you in focusing, you have a healthy relationship to the masculine. So if you struggle with focusing, you struggle to sit down and focus on your work, it is a sign that you are struggling in your relationship to the masculine. Even when you identify with being neurotypical or have ADHD. Yes, I said it.
Because when you have a secure relationship with the father wound, not only Your nervous system isn’t oriented towards being, um, in deficit of attention so much. It’s not oriented towards looking for other things to focus on because a lot of what ADHD is, or ADD or lack of focus is that your nervous system is preoccupied with, it wants to focus on something else and you want it to focus on that thing.
But when you have a healthy relationship, meaning you feel that deep love from the divine masculine, and you have, you know, Deep structures inside of you that support you in focusing and funneling your energy and you’ve practiced them enough that they become embodied and integrated. Now we have both the structure of the masculine, the father, the father, as well as the love from the father.
And so it’s very effortless the way that we focus. Yes, it can be annoying logistically having to organize things. I’m not saying that everything becomes easy, but you are able to focus. If you are Have a father wound that is secretly keeping you anxious, overworking, and in scarcity, you might have struggle, you might struggle with goal setting and discipline and getting up and doing the things that you said that you’re going to do and sticking to your word and even identifying goals.
I know a lot of you either identify goals that are way too big and you feel this pressure, like you need to move forward and you don’t know how, and then that pressure becomes anxiety, and then anxiety comes over thinking, and then because you’re thinking about things so often that you don’t really get anything done, and then you end up collapsing, you want to be in bed for three days.
And I know some of you just like don’t put goals because if you were to put a goal, then you might actually fail that goal and then you might have to be confronted with your fear of failure. Ouch. It hurts. I know. I’ve been there. I’m sometimes still there. So sometimes we can have a difficult relationship with goals and discipline.
When you have a healthy relationship with the divine masculine, meaning you’ve healed your father wound, you are able to identify goals that enlighten and like in enliven you to move forward to them. And you are able to take consistent action that is disciplined to move towards them. Because at the end of the day, discipline The question we’re asking is like, what am I disciplined about?
It’s like, what am I a disciple to what am I disciplined to move forward to a woman with an healthy, inner masculine, no matter how chaotic or intuitive or whatever you are or how much of a healer you are, whatever you are, when you heal your father wound, you are disciplined in a way that it feels like flow.
I’ve been really disciplined this past couple of months and it just, it feels like such flow and you can’t even get yourself out of it because you’ve healed your relationship with the divine masculine and you, you pull on that like, Divine daddy energy to get you focused because you care about the work that you’re doing in the world.
And it just feels so beautiful to have that structure and to have those goals and to, and there’s no emotional stickiness around it of like, if I fail, I did this and what will people think? And what will I think? And, and how’s I feel? And how do I manage the pressure? No, you move from task to task to task with presence and love and structure.
And that’s how you get, that’s how you create the profitable business. That’s how you make financial freedom and that’s how you make it feel easy all along the way. Okay. So number four, um, a sign that you could benefit from really healing from this father wound is that you find yourself jumping to solve problems in the future that just do not need to be solved right now.
One of the amazing things that we can learn from the presence of testosterone in the nervous system is its ability to work, focus on the thing that you’re working on, then rest and then focus on the next tool and project and the next problem, solve that problem and then rest and then identify the next problem and then solve that problem and then rest.
It is single focused. The masculine is single focused. That’s why it’s so freaking annoying that your boyfriend isn’t planning the holiday that you think that they should be planning right now because it’s happening in three months. Um, they’re not concerned about it because it’s happening in three months, but your feminine brain that is soaked in estrogen that is literally made and has been wired for eons to take care of six children at a time and cook something and look after the camp and make sure that your friends are okay because we are wired through relationships.
We’re wired to multitask. Our brain finds it easier to think about things further in the future because we’re in less single focus. And that’s actually really awesome. And I love that. However, particularly as it relates to business, sometimes we can learn from the divine masculine on single focusedness.
And that’s actually something that in an ideal world, our father would teach us. They would teach us the, the discipline and the focus and then the rest, and we would integrate that. They would model it to us. They would teach it to us in conscious ways and unconscious ways. And then we would create that structure inside and we would replicate that through the rest of our life.
And for some people, if you have a father wound, either that has been completely rejected or it just didn’t occur. somatic trauma healing, which you find in all of my programs and causes, et cetera, in my work, then. Um, you can stay more present and you can focus your energy on just the problems that need to solve now.
But you can also access your amazing superpower of knowing what problems need to be solved in the future. And we can access that, that innate project manager inside of you, that innate strategics, strategical thinker and analytical thinker inside of you. And then we couple that with your feminine magical essence and your presence and your power and like, Jesus, wow.
Wow. The world is lucky to have you. Beautiful. Number five, um, trying to make things perfect. So the feminine. It has all this energy and wants things to be very perfect and beautiful. And that includes yourself, actually. A lot of what has happened in society is that innate ability that, that females have to want to make things so perfect and so beautiful because it’s actually would require changing society.
If we were to make society perfect, we would have to change a lot of things and the people at the top of society at the moment may not want us to do that. So we redirect that energy and we try to change ourselves. We try to perfect ourselves. Oh, we try to heal so perfectly so that we can create the thing.
We try to make ourselves so perfect so that that person loves us. We try to perfect the sales pitch so that we make the sale when actually all we needed was to love ourselves and it sounds really cliche, but here we are again, that’s the lesson is to be fully where we are. And so, yes, there are things that can be bent that can change it in yourself.
On the other side of the father wound that you currently have, that’s making you want to make yourself perfect. So that you can receive the love of the divine masculine and the providence, like the providership and the protection of the father. Whether it is your business being that masculine structure that’s providing for you, or you want to relate it to God, or your version of that.
Instead of doing that, what we, what we do when we heal the divine masculine is we are discerning in the way that we treat ourselves. We say, how can I love myself so well, that what I do, It’s only loving for me and the business I create is only loving for me and the people inside and it ends up being perfect.
But it’s not because we were analytical trying to make it to be perfect. It’s because we said, how can I love this very well? Meanwhile, our energy gets projected out into the world and we get to be of service. And because we are of more service. We make more money. And so instead of putting all our energy on ourselves and trying to perfect ourselves, we put it out into the world.
We create the best impact and the most value that we possibly could. And as a result, money just comes on through because also we’re smart in the way that we structure it out, but we’re not like, we’re not, this is another thing actually. Did I write it down? Let me check. Yeah. Let me put it in. So Overworking just like the, just the vibe of overworking to want to prove yourself of like, it’s, it gives this energy of like, daddy, look how, look, look how hard I work, see how valuable I am.
Give me your love. And we end up bringing that into our business. Like, look how hard I work. Look how much I create. Look how much I do. Look how many free calls I can do. Look how, look how smart I am. Look how smart I am. Give me money. You don’t have to prove anything, my love. You don’t have to prove anything.
You’re loved. The father, your father, whatever the father is, loves you. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to work so hard. 