Being a ‘good girl’ has set you up to fail and no one benefits from you being poor, perfect, exhausted or stressed.
By the end of this episode you’ll know:
- Why trying to be a ‘good girl’ has set you up to fail
- 9 surprising, often forgotten common signs guilt and shame is decreasing your capacity to bringin income, care for yourself and lead your community
- 3 step, Body Based process to heal your receiving wound and bring in more success, income and intimacy
Recommended episode:
58: How to Heal the Worthiness Wound to Receive More Love and Money – click here to listen.
Recommended resource:
Nervous System PDF – Help your body feel safe enough to embrace life’s challenges and stresses with ease & feel confident no matter what comes your way. Click here to download.
TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Sheridan: Being a good girl has set you up to fail and nobody benefits from you being poor, perfect, exhausted, or stressed. In today’s episode, you are going to learn how to feel less guilty and receive more money. Exactly what to do today.
[00:00:29] Nine surprising, often forgotten common sides, guilt and shame is decreasing your capacity to bring in income, care for yourself and lead your community and the three step body based process to heal your receiving mood and bring in more success, income and intimacy. Hi, my name is Sheridan.
[00:00:46] I am a trauma therapist, yoga therapist, and nervous system specialist for entrepreneurs. And it’s time that you learned the nine surprising often forgotten signs that guilt and shame is decreasing your capacity to bring in income, care for [00:01:00] yourself and lead your community. Let’s have a look. Number one is you have this thought in your mind that says, I don’t want to do it for the money.
[00:01:08] I just want to serve people. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s really lovely to serve. And I definitely go through my own periods of growth where my orientation is more towards just serving and providing value versus looking at necessarily how much money that’s bringing in. But there’s this good girl mentality that we create that is, that is kind of conditioned, into our psyche and into our nervous system and into what is the norm, especially for women’s nervous system, where we think that we’re better if we are not doing something for the money.
[00:01:42] This is closely related to an idea that It’s a very spiritual idea as well that being poor somehow makes you a better person, , that it is somehow more noble and that rich people are bad. These are stories that become almost stitched into and weaved into the fascia and the body and they live [00:02:00] inside of our bodies.
[00:02:00] If you guys have heard, The Body Keeps the Skull, wonderful book if you haven’t read it. And so, um, If we have this conditioning that’s living inside of our muscles and our bones and our breath, that being poor or not having enough money will somehow make me a better person. Then I’m shaming even the parts of me that say, Oh yeah, but I actually want to live with a little bit more overflow.
[00:02:23] I actually want to be able to donate. I want to be able to invest. I want to be able to buy things organic and locally, or I just want to be able to buy a new iPad or go to Greece. There is that part of us that we begin shaming. We’re shaming the part of us that does want more, that does want ease, that does want abundance, that does want comfort.
[00:02:45] And that part of us lives inside of us for a reason, but your good girl complex or your good girl conditioning is creating guilt and shame towards that part of you. And it’s overriding the part of you that is made to live in
[00:03:00] abundance. We are very primal creatures and we are always made to expand, right?
[00:03:05] So we’re here to support things in expansion, whether that be spiritual, whether that be financial, whether that be intellectual human beings, our nature is to expand and that includes expanding your resources and expanding your impact. However, when you buy into this idea, Dear, or this story that shame tells you, or the guilt tells you is that it’s better to do things for the money, sorry, to do things to serve instead of for the money you’re operating from a place of having more or expanding that which is your natural nature is wrong.
[00:03:44] And so of course things are going to feel off. Of course things are going to feel incongruent. They’re going to feel out of alignment. They’re going to feel weird. They’re going to feel sticky. These are some of the other signs that guilt and shame is decreasing your capacity to bring in income. We begin operating from
[00:04:00] like a heaviness in the body or a tension in the jaw or even a constriction in or this happens many women in their womb.
[00:04:07] That’s that space of creation where we expand things. There’s an energetic connection there. Um, and Or we have a lot of shoulders that go forward. We have really bad posture. We wake up with tension in our body in the nighttime. Um, There’s this overarching heavy, it feels like something is wrong. It feels like I’m, I’m, I’m always behind.
[00:04:30] These are signs that you’re operating from the shame body, not your true regulated nervous system self. It can also be experienced in thoughts as, I don’t want to be a pushy. I don’t want to be pushy. I don’t want to be salesy. When I see someone who has those thoughts, what it tells me is that you feel that, you know, One, you have a kind of a interesting relationship with sales that has come oftentimes from conditioning of like, of not really understanding the service that sales is sales is a [00:05:00] service.
[00:05:00] It’s the service. It’s a nonjudgmental space and container that a salesperson provides to another individual so that they can make the best decision for themselves. It is a place of empowerment. It is a place of consulting. Um, And it is not a place of manipulation. However, guilt and shame will say, ah, it’s icky and it’s sticky.
[00:05:21] And you’re wrong if you want more and you’re wrong if you benefit or you’re wrong if you get something out of this because you’re better when you’re small and you’re better when you don’t have enough and you can be like the poor, the poor little noble victim. Hmm. Interesting. Right. And so it’s decreasing your capacity to bring in income to expand your resources.
[00:05:44] And by the way, my beautiful, beautiful embodied entrepreneur, you expanding your resources, you investing in your community, you investing in shares, you investing in your family, you do good things with your money. We want more money in your hands. So these are
[00:06:00] some of the other signs. Some of the other signs is like this feeling of like, I don’t want to be perceived as one of those people.
[00:06:04] I don’t want to be judged to be pushy. I don’t want to be judged to be obsessed with something. I don’t want to be seen in that way. This is a sign that shame is hijacking your system. It’s giving you thoughts, emotions, and feelings and impulses to help you be a certain way because you think that that’s going to keep you safer in the tribe.
[00:06:26] You think that if you can control the way other people see you, that will make you safer. That is not true. People are going to judge you no matter what. The safest way to get to where you want to be in life is to find safety in this moment and pursue that. Safety comes both from external resources, external experiences, and internal.
[00:06:50] If you hate yourself and you consistently give yourself more shame, then you’re not safe. More feelings of shame, more of that shutdown rate, dysregulated nervous system where your
[00:07:00] body’s resources can’t go to things like digestion and healing. It’s not a very safe place for your body to be. And I would probably say, especially in today’s environment, the more money you have in your bank account, the safer you are because you have more options.
[00:07:15] It’s very unfortunate. Um, it’s not a direct correlation, but. It does support you in having things like time to take, being able to take time off, being able to pursue medical treatment in different ways, being able to pursue preventative medical treatment, et cetera. Another, um, sign that guilt and shame is decreasing your capacity to bring in income, care for yourself, and lead your community is, that you’re really concerned with
[00:07:48] preempting some type of trouble. It feels like there’s foot is about to drop or you feel like you’re always kind of running either trying to run faster so that like something bad doesn’t happen or like [00:08:00] somebody doesn’t realize that you don’t know what you’re doing or something or that like you’re about to get in trouble for some reason.
[00:08:07] This is usually a sign that an inner child has been triggered. It feels like If you make a mistake, it will be really, really bad. It’s probably because at some point in your life, it was bad. There was like a, uh, a punishment of some sort, uh, either very overt. Uh, or it was more of a energy that you perceive from your parents that created tension because you did something quote unquote wrong, uh, but it feels like you’re going to get in trouble.
[00:08:32] The last one is that you really just want to be a good person or a good girl. You want to be a good mom. You want to be a good partner. You want to be a good roommate. You want to be a good girlfriend. You want to be, you want to be really good. Oh, you just want to be good so badly. Why do you want to be good?
[00:08:46] Because you think that being good is going to help you be safe. This is the natural way. that the female, particularly the female nervous system creates safety. We appease and we please those
[00:09:00] around us. Our nature is beautiful. We are made to kind of mesh and meld into the systems and the structures around us.
[00:09:08] However, It doesn’t necessarily work all the time. Sometimes it’s beautiful to be the shapeshifter and she who can experience the world in different ways and she who can take on different identities, et cetera. , and sometimes it’s supportive to work towards your values and to, I know your values and be an ethical person.
[00:09:26] I’m not saying don’t do these things. I’m saying that sometimes your desire to be good. Good comes at the expense of your own wellbeing because you do not work towards your goals because you do not value yourself enough to say, I will not do that job. I will not work for free. I will not do that exchange.
[00:09:48] Or because you’re not worthy. In that sales meeting, and all of a sudden, all of a sudden your good goal conditioning takes over. Your, your awareness and your intention slips into yourself, and you start thinking, am I doing
[00:10:00] this right? And the person in front of you who is so enraptured in your presence prior and was listening to your pitch and was ready to say yes, they say, wait, what?
[00:10:09] She, she went away. Now she’s concerned about herself. I can feel that she’s not with me. Where is she? You know, you’re in your head, they don’t feel you. It’s really awkward. Now you kind of stumble over your words and then you try to close the deal and you just can’t, because what happened is you got insecure because you were too concerned about being good and getting it right.
[00:10:28] That you missed that you moved out of the present moment. You tried to put yourself in somebody else’s structure when you forgot that your way of doing things, your way of flowing with the energy, your way of trusting your body’s cues and being able to read other people works.
[00:10:48] Don’t worry so much about being a good girl, worry about being you. Then you’re going to have income come in. Then you’re going to be able to lead your community. Then you’re going to be able to care for yourself.
[00:11:01] [00:11:00]
[00:11:01] Sheridan: Guys, this is Freya. She is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful AI who is supporting me in teaching you guys how to build a body based business. And you’re right. Um, cute. I could, This is now the motivational speech that you guys have had, but how do we actually do it in real life? Well, beautiful. This knife, you were sitting in front of me and you were my client.
[00:11:20] I would take you through the three step buddy based process. This is the foundation for buddy based business and most of my work. In fact, this formula is currently trademark pending. It’s in its process. It should be, um, registered by the end of September and there are three steps. Number one. It’s regulation.
[00:11:38] Number two is trauma healing. We’re going to go into beliefs around this. And number three is anchor and apply. So number one regulated, let’s make sure that we’re coming to this space from a place of regulation, which means we need to know is our nervous system is in the sympathetic or the parasympathetic response.
[00:11:55] So we want to, you know, Like, look, are we coming at this from a place of anxiety? I have to
[00:12:00] figure this out right now. Oh my God. Urgency. Are we coming to this a place from a place of, of more of a fight of like, I’ve got to figure this out now. If not, like there’s something wrong with me. Um, and you’re trying to like push forward.
[00:12:12] Are we feeling more of a phone? Are you actually engaging in this so that you can please somebody else? Is this more of a people please of like, I don’t really know what to do. So I guess I’ll just like try to figure this out, which is just, by the way, a good girl, a lot of people who operate in the good girl tend to be more of that full on place.
[00:12:29] Like you’re trying to almost like please your partner or live up to their expectations or your boss’s expectations or your, your audience. You’re like, what do you guys need and want? Because then I can provide it. Um, or are you completely feeling overwhelmed? Freeze, blue, shut down, hopeless, docile, vagal, collapse, where just everything feels impossible.
[00:12:49] No matter what we do, we want to come back to regulation, which is like, okay, cool. I’m noticing a pattern, not a big deal. Um, I don’t really love it. It’s not helping me right now, but I’d like
[00:13:00] to, you know, Just kind of change it a little bit. We want to come back there and we can do that by using tools like emotional alchemy, which is a tool that you’ll get access to, uh, when you join body based business, or you can use a tool such as the nervous system regulation PDF, which is a free PDF that I will have the link to download, uh, which provides really, really wonderful ways to regulate your nervous system without needing a lot of tools.
[00:13:26] space or privacy. If you do not have this PDF, like you need it, like me and my clients, we live by it. It’s amazing. Uh, I’ll make sure the links down below to get that. Number two is we want to look at the subconscious, deeply unconscious. I’m using the word trauma. Uh, trauma might be something that was really big to you.
[00:13:47] big that has created like this need for you to be a good girl. It might be something smaller, such as I am expected to be a good girl or my role in life is. It sounds smaller, but it’s not really my role in life
[00:14:00] is to like serve other people as, as the female in the community or something like that. Um, it could be something else, uh, but we’re going to really look at what is, what are the beliefs that your body or what is holding, which create kind of the structures that your nervous system experiences in life.
[00:14:20] And. Um, and then of course the emotions and the thoughts and the impulses that it gives you or does not give you. So we’re looking at trauma healing around that. For some of you, that means that we’re going to have to do, you know, a quite a deep emotional trauma release around an integration around, you know, maybe there’s a fear if I’m not, if I’m not a good girl, maybe I developed this persona because.
[00:14:42] My parents got divorced, and you know, that was really hard on me. And so this is what’s really get me through. Um, Maybe I just don’t really know what else to do. And this is what I saw my aunties do. So I just kind of did this and I don’t really, don’t really know what else. Once we do that, we’ve come to a place of regulation and clarity and equity.
[00:14:59] [00:15:00] Quantity inside, and we’re open to new possibilities. We’re going to anchor into something and apply it through action. This is where things actually change. This is one of the biggest differences between a lot of healing work. That’s very beautiful, very impactful, but we’re not, we need to actually apply it to strategy.
[00:15:14] We need to change the systems inside of your business. We, by anchoring into a belief by embodying a certain version of yourself and by taking action that is aligned with that. that. This is where we’re going to change your sales strategy just slightly. This is where we’re going to change your lifestyle just slightly.
[00:15:30] This is where we’re going to change the way that you write emails just slightly or the way that you show up or even the way that you speak with the people that you live with just slightly. We’re going to anchor and apply. For example, it’s like what actions would you take if you deeply, deeply believed, which by the way you will.
[00:15:48] By the time you get through step two, when you’re in your coaching call is what actions would you take if you truly believe that the best contribution that you can have to yourself and to society is by
[00:16:00] making more money in the ways that feel correct for you. If you really knew that you were a good, valuable, beautiful human being, and that it was safe to be the wealthy one or the affluent one or she who is direct and assertive.
[00:16:16] Or even a loof. What would that actually be like for you? You’re going to learn all of these things when you join body based business. But before you do that, make sure that you do get the nervous system PDF. The link will be below in the bio. And if you haven’t already, you need to listen to episode number 58 called how to kill the worthiness wound to receive more love and money.
[00:16:37] This is becoming one of my most popular episodes. And. Especially if you orient to being more of a good girl, you haven’t listened to this, please go listen to this because you’re going to understand your deep worth and value and why it is so damn important that you increase your understanding of your deep worth and value so that you can do better for yourself and you can do better for the world.
[00:16:58] You need to understand that [00:17:00] today.